Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
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happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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