I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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