Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
