I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
