dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
