The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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