that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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