Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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