I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dick very happy bro
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
