I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
