I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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