im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
