i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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