Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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