Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
birth control should be required to get into college
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
