i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
