Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
