is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish you could order shots online.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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