shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
