Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
