That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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