my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
