Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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