Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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