im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
