my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
