Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
