that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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