I didn't shave. On purpose
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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