after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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