I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
