yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
