we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
