Moan for me like Helen Keller
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize