after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
