make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
