They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
