Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
