Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
