after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
