with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
