I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
