this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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