god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
