He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
