You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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