I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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