I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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