Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
