"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
