one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
