I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
