im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize