Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
