My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
