we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
