dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
