I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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