i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize