Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
