Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
