I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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