Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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