Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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