Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
