I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
