my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
