I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
