when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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