i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
