why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
