in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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