Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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