Will you blow on my dice?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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