Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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