Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
BRING THE BAGELS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
