so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
