I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
