Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
