Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
