i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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