my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
