they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your penis caused this!
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